It's so hard to say goodbye

Well, it's only 5 days til surgery and tomorrow is my last day at work for awhile and I've already said my goodbye's to a couple of co-workers and I'm dreading saying goodbye to the rest. I love my job and who I work with and it's going to be really hard not to go back to work as usual. I'm really sappy, so I'm sure I'll cry and make a mess of myself and it's not like I'm never coming back, but geez! I'm really, REALLY going to miss my OR crew.
Already I've received some gifts from my friends and a farewell gathering at our favorite after work hangout and tomorrow I'm going out one more time with a few others too. I love those guys so much; man I'll miss them! They're all so understanding too.
My family are totally wonderful too, and it's no doubt I'll have lots of help and support from both my real family and work family.

Today I was really uncomfortable at work. Lots of pain coming and going in waves and even now at home sitting in my lazy boy I'm getting hit with waves of pain. Couldn't have come at a better time. For awhile there I was doing really well, little pain during the day, just lots of aching at night while sleeping, but today, totally different story. This makes me happier about surgery. I want it done now instead of wondering if this is the right thing to do.

I have received awesome support from my friends on hipwomen too. Such an outpouring of advice, experiences, and encouragement from all those special ladies makes me very thankful I have them there for me.
On to surgery: I have received my call from anesthesia and gave my medical history and asked my questions. I have booked the hotel room for the time I'll be in the hospital so my hubby has some place to shower, sleep, just relax, whatever he needs to do. I've done pretty much all my last minute things like car oil change, got the handicap placard, stocked up on lots of dog food since the pups are staying at the "grandparents" for a few weeks after I get home, and all the christmas presents are bought, wrapped and put under the tree (the house and tree are all decorated too!). Last shopping trip this weekend for hospital bag items. And of course, clean my house top to bottom as it may not get much more than a surface clean while my husband is in charge:). I feel pretty productive but it's all going to come to an end for a bit. I can't predict what my recovery will be like, if my body will allow myself to heal fast enough and strong enough to do the LPAO following my right SDD. I sure hope so. To get both these out of the way in 6 months time would be a relief to say the least. It's hard to put your life on hold for another year on top of the year you've already been waiting.

Monday is pre-op day at 2 pm. My husband and I will be leaving home with our friends and their daughter at about 9 am and making our way down to Detroit with a few stops along the way. They'll head on to the hotel to relax while Todd and I will go to my pre-op and then my girlfriend says she has a whole night planned out for us to keep my mind busy and not focused on being nervous. Such a good friend! I'll also find out Monday what time surgery will be on Tuesday. I hope it's the first one! I don't think I would do too well waiting all day. More just from the hunger/thirst issue:). Nerves are going to be with me regardless.

So, to document what my right hip is feeling like just before surgery (so I have it to compare to for after):
-Creepy clicking/shifting in joint from front to back of hip with walking.
-sharp, pulsing pain in groin/anterior portion of hip that comes and goes in waves.
-dull persistent ache in hip from groin to lateral hip at night while trying to sleep.
-sharp, catching pain with internal rotation whether intentional or not. Stops me in my tracks.
-S.I. Joint pain that is very tight and sharp feeling.
-pain that shoots down my leg from pelvis to knee anteriorly.
-unable to bend leg past 90 degrees without forcing it by hand, if past 90 degrees, very deep pain in hip (this includes when bent down to pick something up).
-cannot put all my weight on my right hip or deep inside the joint it feels like it is going to break or collapse in on itself from pain.

That's it in a nutshell. I thought I'd write it all down in hopes that when I recover I will forget what it was like to have pain and I can look back on here and remember all I've been through.
I feel so shallow "wallowing" in my misery as I know what I have can be fixed, it's not terminal, but it IS affecting my life that I want to live so it's a huge deal to me at this time.

I'll post a quick update the day before surgery to inform of surgery time and anything in pre-op that I'll learn as Dr. Z said this appt would be the one with all the "nitty-gritty" details!